Worst Day Ever and Then Some

It’s when you feel the type of sadness that clouds your mind with nothing else but the what ifs, what could haves and whatever what nots leaving you swallowed up deeper in your own misery. It’s when everything just wouldn’t turn out your way, and the moment you feel the slightest inch that it would be okay, it turns out to be the far opposite of that. It’s when you feel that you have ever so greatly disappointed everyone you ever cared for, even the one person that believes that you can. It’s most especially when you just want to fall into a deep slumber and wake up when all else is forgotten or maybe, a better option, wish for a time machine to turn everything back in reverse. It’s feeling all the negative vibes all at once, regret, misery, anger, paranoia and no matter how hard you try to forget it, it just keeps turning up. 

This is what i am currently feeling and what’s keeping me up this late. All this and so much more. Maybe it’s the quiet atmosphere that’s making me think of all the stuff tucked in the back of my heart/head/subconsciousness. Or maybe it’s because this is the moment that i’m finally alone with my thoughts for the first time for the day therefore causing my unnecessary reflecting in my so called life.

So…yeah. Words can’t describe enough the lowest of the low i’m currently in. And right now, i believe this has got to be one of the biggest regret in life. I know there’s still the inch of hope to hang on to, but i just can’t help bring myself to be positive. i’m not depressed, really. But it’s just the kind of sadness that is hard to contain. The type that you just want to pour everything out but you can’t. The type that you know for a fact that it’s you to blame. 

Maybe, this is just a phase. Or maybe, this is just me being crazy at this time of day. Whatever it might be, i know for a fact that i won’t be getting over it soon.